Shared loss
Saturday, August 24, 2013
I went to another funeral today. A friend from work. The list gets longer. I didn’t want to go but felt compelled. It reminded me of a recent loss in our family, absence still felt, pain still close. I was proud of how my little family did in the end. Smiling memories, stories, shared loss.
Today I scrambled a bit to get there. I felt so self conscious in shorts, more so when they asked me to help with my friend Pedro’s casket. I had met his son once before. I know I can’t help him with his burdens in a time of loss but I stepped in as pall bearer. As he passed the rails I felt the sweat, the tears where his hand had been. It was a bolt through my hand. A moment of shared grief. In that instant I was over being self conscious. I was there for Pedro, with Pedro and helping those he leaves.
My last two visits to church have been for passings. The service was in Spanish. I didn’t understand the words, but whether in Latin, Hindi, or Farsi the messages are unmistakable. Above the casket in this pretty little church was a carved medallion. Compass points with angels and a dove. So fitting for a man with a great compass and the laugh of an angel.
Outside afterwards a few of us knotted up and told stories. A man I had never met was struggling for a way to describe Pedro and how he affected a crowd. I blurted out "sparkling". There was mutual agreement, some more laughs and more stories. The man I never met before then shared a Pedro anecdote that he had already imparted on his small son. He said, Pedro always told his own son, "You’re never too good for anyone and no one’s as good as you".
A minute later Pedro’s son joined our group. Gone was the tension, the sweat and tears. He laughed with us, joked and thanked us for coming. By the time I got home to my family I was glad for the chance to share his grief. I hope it lessened his loss as much as it did mine.
Regards,
Omar