How NOT to get ahead in broadcasting: be seen yukking it up in a station vehicle. Just ask the putz driving the news cruiser recently seen losing a race at the Albuquerque Dragway (a slash of asphalt presumably reachable only after one left turn).

UPDATE! Web sources reveal the news crew was actually shooting a feature story on drag racing and, ahem, needed point of view footage! That changes EVERYTHING! Still, do as I do and keep it chill behind the wheel. That way you’ll be around to drop knowledge on a generation of news nerds, instead of rushing headlong into such a brazen career move. Remember…

7.) Two Words: Condiment dislodgement. Even if you do make it to Victory Lane, you’ll surely be slathered in petrified ketchup, Starbucks stir sticks and dozens of unread press releases.

6.) Those door stickers are only rated for 70 MPH. Lose ’em and you’ll have to explain to your News Director why the custom wrap job he had to pay for out of his budget is now draped across a scarecrow outside Meth Valley Mobile Home Park.

5.) Top out in fourth gear and that dealer recall your station didn’t tell you about is gonna cause the windshield to implode.  You’ll know when it happens…

4.) Take home whatever women is impressed with THAT performance and that video below won’t be the only thing only going viral.

3.) No one ever made anchor after getting caught racing news units. Well, there was that one dude.

 2.) Eighteen seconds of dragway adulation isn’t worth losing the chance to work every single holiday for the rest of your life. Or is it?

And finally, the Number One Reason NOT to Drag Race That News Car…

1.)  It ain’t yours.